Snoopman Fired from Snoopman News

A Media Mogul’s Journalistic Alter-Ego who joined a Protest, Gave Away Millions while Reporting, Now Turns Job-seeking into an Act of Dissent

In the midst of being fired for giving away millions of his employer’s capital to protestors, detective-journalist Snoopman proposed a new role for himself within Snoopman News Group. Legendary journalist Iggy Swind reports on his former colleague’s sudden departure. He discovers why Snoopman believes that Chief Political Officers (CPOs) are needed everywhere to address “a worldwide institutional crisis”, the common symptom of which is flush lavatories. And Swind reports how Snoopman became an At-Large protestor.

Detective-Journalist At-Large: Snoopman wears Zoro’s actual mask ‘Outside’, gave away “millions” of his employers’ capital while protesting.

Detective-Journalist At-Large: Snoopman wears Zoro’s actual mask ‘Outside’ and gave away “millions” of his employers’ capital while protesting.

Three ‘Meanwhiles’ Set a Pattern

DETECTIVE-JOURNALIST SNOOPMAN has been fired from the Snoopman News Group after a fall-out with its founder, the media mogul Snoop Monster.

Snoopman, who hacked into Snoop Monster’s Twitter account, began his departing tweets cryptically:

BiasedSnoopmanTweet01

PettyCashSnoopmanTweet01

A short time later, Snoopman tweeted:

OuttiesSnoopmanTweet04

The firing occurred after Snoopman’s employer Snoop Monster discovered that his founding journalist had given away millions of dollars of his employer’s capital at a protest in mid-November. Snoopman had handed out “millions” to people demonstrating against the New Zealand government’s plans to ratify the impending 12 Pacific Rim country economic super-bloc known as the Trans-Pacific Partnership (TPP) Agreement.

In a heated argument that took place in Snoop Monster’s frosted glass office, which is kept at a room temperature of -10º Celsius, Snoopman’s employer shouted:

“Gave away millions of my money, you did. While saying things to protestors, like, ‘The media won’t listen to you? Buy a news outlet. Need legislation that restrains transnationals? Buy the government. Need a tax shelter? Buy an accountancy cartel’, you did. Meanwhile, reporting for Snoopman News, you were. Meanwhile, protesting, you were! And the audacity to say it was ‘just satirical street theatre’, you have – with my money, spluck!”

Stolen Loot: Some of cash recovered from Snoopman's desk.

Stolen Loot: Some of cash recovered from Snoopman’s desk.

Meanwhile, Snoopman proposed a new role for himself within the Snoopman News Group.

 

Proposing a Chief Political Officer Role

According to a dictaphone recording, Snoopman suggested that he would be “awesome” as a Chief Political Officer at Snoopman News. Evidently, while Snoopman explained the “need” for this new role, Snoop Monster’s five-eyes blinked one after the other like excited modem lights, two sources close to the heated exchange said. These two sources said this meant Snoop Monster was very mad. They could neither confirm nor deny that they had snuck the dictaphone just inside the frosty office, which inexplicably plummeted to -30º Celsius during the 10-minute long argument.

“A Chief Political Officer (CPO) would expose the sacred cow of an institution”, explained Snoopman. “CPOs could argue the case that institutions afflicted with sacred cows would need to metaphorically kill off their sacred cow,” Snoopman said while ‘Sleep Walking People’ awoke noticing his Zoro mask as we walked down Auckland City’s Queen Street in New Zealand economy’s overly sprawling largest center.

“Generally speaking, in institutions where money is used as an instrument of expansion, the sacred cows are those that fund it!” continued Snoopman while shooting me a piercing stare from behind the actual mask of the real Zoro. “So, for organizations with missions of social justice and innovation, environmental protections and replenishment and political invention, the sacred cows are their middle class memberships.”

While the middle class has, “spare cash, a conscience and compassion, they are – as a bunch – scaredy-cats”, who want to “believe that the badness of the world is not too bad and can be fixed without upsetting their lifestyles,” Snoopman said. He feigned frustration by crossing his eyes from behind the mask of Zoro, who had mastered the art of rebellion, as Snoopman informed me. That, evidently, is why he bought the mask with the funds he stole from Snoop Monster’s petty capital account and why the mask came to be in an online Sotheby’s auction.

In a nutshell, sacred cows are beliefs that Sleep Walking People are too scared to let go of.

Portrait of Media Mogul: Snoop Moster's portrait in his chilly frost-glassed office.

Portrait of Media Mogul: Snoop Monster’s portrait in his chilly frost-glassed office.

Snoopman said for any bold institution to succeed in its trailblazing vision or quest, it is essential that the object that it fears losing the most – its sacred cow – is risked.

He said it is ironic to recall that what all governments, even totalitarian ones, have feared above all else, losing the support of their middle-class base, as Snoopman News pointed out in a satirical piece about America’s support of the Zionist-controlled apartheid state of Israel during its serial bombing of Gaza in 2014.

“No government, for the time-being,” said Snoopman looking skyward, “can withstand the sudden and sustained loss of legitimacy with its middle-class. But, that doesn’t mean that governments aren’t covertly undermining their middle-class constituencies”.

“To build-out their new world economic order, elite global policy planners schemed to make, ‘an end run around national sovereignty, eroding it piece by piece’ because ‘the old-fashioned frontal assault’ had become less effective”, explained Snoopman in a popular piece headlined, “Missing in News-action: Confronting ‘Deep State’ Power Crimes”.

In short, instilling military dictatorships as an instrument of expansion was tricky in places with strong ‘pesky’ democratic institutions.

 

The Grand Imperial Express and Flush Toilets

What Snoopman is getting at is that if the Greenpeaces, the Amnesty Internationals, the Save the Children Funds and the Peace Foundations of this beautiful but deeply troubled far-flung planet want to achieve a fair, evenly developed, peaceful, resilient, and replenished world, they need to work on a blueprint that understands the key logic of empire.

“Empires seek to destroy communalism or self-reliant, self-determining communities and bona fide fair and free trade between them”, said Snoopman who now needs to find work.

Snoopman said it was necessary to get ahead of the Grand Imperial Express, prepare new signals, lay out a new slower track, and move in both directions through the carriages to up-skill the passengers, the drivers, the engineers and ticketeers because the juggernaut of Empire is heading toward a disaster of its own making.

“What was needed is for Sleep Walking People pass up the Cult of Status whereby such overslept people try to be toward the front of the train, where the over-privileged ruling class sissies are. Sleep Walking People need to move to the back carriages where the prepping is occurring”, Snoopman explained.

“When the Grand Imperial Express hurtles off to its crash site, and the middle class carriages are about to derail, the back section will be decoupled so that these carriages can slink off on the new line to an awaiting locomotive driven with the logic of self-autonomous local communities,” Snoopman said with a gleeful grin.

We ran up the stairs of the 328-meter high Sky Tower, which at night when lit up looks like a giant hyperdermic needle that must surely excite the ghost of beat writer William Burroughs. As we reached the landing on the 13th floor, Snoopman said pointing his gardening fork downward, “Let the Grand Imperial Express crash on its fast-track to oblivion”.

 Juggernaut of Global Empire: The Grand Imperial Express heading inevitably to its crash site somewhere in the near future.

Juggernaut of Global Empire: The Grand Imperial Express hurtles inevitably to its crash site somewhere in the near, near future.

Catching our breath here, Snoopman explained that Chief Political Officers are needed everywhere to address, “this worldwide institutional crisis, as identified by Professor Carroll Quigley in his 1961 book The Evolution of Civilizations. ” Quigley showed that once arrangements to produce a surplus, known as an instrument of expansion, became institutionalized, there was a tendency for the surplus to be used for self-serving purposes rather than to meet the needs of society. This self-serving tendency stifled the application of creative solutions.

One common symptom of this worldwide institutional crisis is “flush lavatories”, said Snoopman. “Flushed lavatories?” I asked bemused. “Aye! Not that Quigley mentioned flush toilets or Chief Political Officers in his book.”

“What happens to your shit tells you a lot about whether or not you are in control of the politics of your life”, said Snoopman. “Most of us flush away the waste of the kai we eat, which means the land is losing millions and billions of tons of nutrients every year. That means we’re not in control of our shit and its being exported to the continental shelf”, he said as we reached the observation deck at the top. “We need mutinies within our institutions”, he said as we looked out over the central business district and across the Waitemata Harbour to the island volcano Rangitoto, which had emitting a lava flow for the past 13 months.  On the Sky Tower Observation Deck, Snoopman had made a guerrilla rooftop garden of veggies, herbs and flowers with planter boxes constructed from dismantled heat-treated pallets, the previous night.

“Holy Shit!” I said like I had let out an involuntary fart.

 

At-Large ‘Outside’

Snoopman’s departure was described by political scientist Bryce Edwards as “unconventional”. Edwards noted the string of recent resignations, restructurings and canning of programs in New Zealand economy’s news and current affairs mediascape.

“Most journalists, anchors and heads of news and current affairs who have been restructured out of their jobs, or bullied by other means as a way to disempower professionals from doing their jobs as they see fit, have resigned”, said the Otago University academic.

“On the other hand, Snoopman appears to have engineered his spectacular demise by simultaneously joining Trans-Pacific Partnership protestors, while being assigned to cover the demonstration and taking it upon himself to hand out millions stolen from his employer, wearing what looks like a Zoro mask bought from $2 dollar shop. And it happened at a time when there’s been whispers in newsrooms that protests are boring,” said Edwards.

Premeditated Provocation: Exhibits here show Snoopman's costume & sign are circumstantial evidence that he intended to get fired.

Premeditated Provocation: Exhibits here of Snoopman’s costume and sign are circumstantial evidence that he intended to get himself fired, Snoop Monster claims.

Edwards, who does not speak scathingly about The Shock Doctrine that is in-built into ‘free market global capitalism nearly enough, said it wouldn’t surprise him if Snoopman News Group lost more of its journalists. “Snoopman News is pretty unique and experimental in the New Zealand mediascape. Its journalists are the alter-egos of its founder Snoop Monster. Evidently, Snoop Monster invented journalistic alter-egos to do the work for him”, Edwards said.

When I returned to the Snoopman News world headquarters, I found many staff had self-diagnosed as “numb”, “shell-shocked” and “traumatized”.

Auckland University of Technology’s Dr. Merja Myllylahti said the Snoopman newsroom should consider first whether it is, “just under the thumb of an egotistical stingy control-freak billionaire seeking a benign image by appearing to fund a ‘free press’ news agency.”

Evidently, it occurred to Snoopman that a reasonable comparison could be made between Snoop Monster and Wile E. Coyote of Roadrunner fame. The anecdote goes that Snoopman had an epiphany one day while doing number twos in the staff loos that Snoop Monsters’ funding had never been satisfactorily explained.

One newsroom insider said that Snoopman had grown to resent working ‘for free’ especially when he learned that a ‘free press’ did not mean journalists had to work without being paid.

An insider at Snoopman News stated that Snoop Monster, of the genus, Monster Monster, invented the alter-egos to help keep costs down. Snoopman News’ website states, “Snoop Monster does nothing at Snoopman News, except inspire mischief.”

It seems Snoopman never took the time to read the ‘About Page’.

“He became determined to prove that he wasn’t just an alter-ego, or some kid’s toy like Buzz Lightyear”, said a co-worker who spoke on the condition of anonymity because she lacks the authorization to speak to journalists on the record.”

“I saw Snoopman crash through ‘the fourth wall’.” [The fourth wall is behind the television cameras and is usually not filmed lest it break the brainwashing trance of the medium. – Ed].

Snoopman’s co-worker continued, “He was in our new television studio set and I saw him leap at the fourth wall like he was about to fly. And for a split-second I glimpsed a stranger, lighter, more colourful and higher resolution dimension rumoured to be called ‘Outside’.”

Corporate Bandit: Snoopman ranted from this bustop bench, telling protesting to watch The Shock Doctrine documentary.

Corporate Bandit: Snoopman ranted from this bustop bench, telling protesting to watch a documentary called The Shock Doctrine.

Dr Myllylahti, who was set to include the upstart news outlet for the first time in an annual report on New Zealand media ownership confronted Snoopman News’ founder to ask him how he slept at night. According to Myllylahti, she asked the big black-capped Snoop Monster, “How do you sleep at night when you’re so wealthy and you under-fund a news outlet so its work is compromised?”

Without missing a beat, Snoop Monster answered, “Calm as a Hindu cow.”

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Iggy Swind worked alongside reporter Clark Kent at the Daily Planet and photojournalist Peter Parker at the Daily Bugle. Swind investigations proved both super-heroes work undercover for the Hollywood media cartel to distract their mass audiences with their mediocre ‘saving the world’ sagas, leaving the real psychopaths that run the world at-large. Those investigations have been suppressed.

See related article: TPPA Crime Reporting Beat Inadequate: Why protests against the wealth & sovereignty ‘Hold-ups’ in progress need to be reported at: http://snoopman.net.nz/?p=3344

And for the big picture context of the TPPA, see the Stars Wars geek-checked  Snoopman News article: Almost Fully Operational: The Mega Cartel Death Star at: http://snoopman.net.nz/?p=3143

 

 

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